he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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