It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
