And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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