she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
