I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Need sex. Gaining weight.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
