if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
