I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he thought i was a dude.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
