I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
