shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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