I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
