He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
