he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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