i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think a kid would responsible me up
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
