is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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