he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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