you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize