I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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