You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
