Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
do herpes really smell.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
