I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
