# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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