And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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