well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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