I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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