i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
