im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
