Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
