I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
