I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
