Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
