im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
