:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
