i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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