You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
