I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
