Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
