I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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