'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
