alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
