I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
