He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
