Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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