Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
