Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
