benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
nutella sex= disaster
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
