Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize