Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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