I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
