i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize