I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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