he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
