maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
