Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
