If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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