Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
