I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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