Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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