I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
FUCK WHALES
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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