whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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