oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
