He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
