Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
