Yo dont text me then not text me
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
