hell yes lets make some ravioli
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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