I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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