i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
