when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
