I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So here I am, sexting at work.
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