i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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