He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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