bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
