No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
