I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
