So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
